If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize