saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
