weddingsv make me drug and hornr
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Randomize
