i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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