dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
two words: eviction party
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
