my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
