You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
