She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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