I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
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