I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
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