one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
