what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I just gift wrapped bread.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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