I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
