I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
