I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
