youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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