girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
