im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Randomize
