and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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