yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
