Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize