Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize