Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
sarcasm needs its own font
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I need water and some morals
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
