He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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