it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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