If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
