it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize