Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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