i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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