Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
