dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Sorry about my life...
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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