i would punch a child for taco bell
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
