Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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