it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
