Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
