I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
You took a bar mat shot.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Randomize
