it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize