i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
