he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
my liver is dry heaving
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
