what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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