Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
