theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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