he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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