I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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