im holly from the hills drunk
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
