I can text with my tongue
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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