i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
