Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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