My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize