oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Randomize
