I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
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