look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
