I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
