I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
