It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
