That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
