the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize