he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
