Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
