put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Randomize
