Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
he thought i was a dude.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
