After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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