For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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