There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
