Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
