Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
