i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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