it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
No subtext here. People are naked.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
