I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize