can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
