I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
