Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
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